Thoughts From Guatemala

As I write this I am sitting in Solola, Guatemala; a three hour drive from Guatemala City in Central America.  My daughter Ann Marie and I are down here on a mission trip for eight days and the week so far has been nothing short of amazing!  We are staying at an orphanage called "The Eagles Nest" that is housed in a former resort that had been abandoned for about ten years before this ministry purchased it.  

We have been working with the orphanage and school doing projects and loving on the children.  In the afternoons we have been doing a sports camp for the neighborhood children.  We have had about 150-175 come from about a mile or two away to come and play.

The first impression I had when we drove from Guatemala City was how lucky we have it in the United States.  I know everyone says that when they come back from a mission trip, but we are truly spoiled.  These people live in little more than shacks and are lucky if they have a cow or a few chickens running around in their yard.  The people here are so polite, and are grateful for everything we give them.

Most of the team members don't speak much spanish and a few of us can stumble through a conversation with the locals.  Even though there may be a verbal language barrier, the language of love through appropriate touch and play is international.  To see the orphans and the local children light up when they see us and to feel their arms latch around our necks when we pick them up is enough to bring tears to my eyes.  Even the teenagers are starving for love and affection as they hold on to your arm when you grab them and rough house a little bit.

We debrief the team every evening before bedtime.  We talk about the day and have a short Bible study.  During tonight's discussion we talked about what ministry is; "meeting a need."  We talked about how this week our ministry just happens to be in Solola, Guatemala, but next week it will be somewhere else.

The truth is you don't have to travel to another country to find hurting people.  There are plenty right in your own back yard.  The problem is we are so busy that we miss the ministry opportunities that are right in front of our faces. We might see someone begging for food, but we keep driving.  When we see someone with a sad expression we might ask them how they are doing, but we usually accept "fine" as an answer and we don't push the issue.

This week all of us have the opportunity to go on a mission trip.  The mission field God is sending you to is found two feet in front of your face.  Wherever your feet take you this week is your mission trip.  Make the time to pay attention to the needs of the people around you this week.  Try to find one need each day and meet it.  It may not be a big deal to you, but I promise you it will be a big deal to them!

So get out there; find a need and then meet it!  Go on your own mission trip, and then tell another believer about it.  Who knows, it may encourage them to go on one of their own! 

Update from Guatemala

What an incredible week this has been.  When we got off the plane in Guatemala City we took a bus to Solola; about a 3 hour trip.  If you think New York is crazy to drive in you really need to give this place a shot!  The pass on curves, motorcycles darting in and out; it's an experience!

 The people here are wonderful!  The children are so polite and just about everyone is willing to help you with your spanish.  You do have to get used to being laughed at a lot when you get it wrong, but it's all in good fun.

 We are staying at the Eagles Nest.  It is an orphanage in Solola, Guatemala.  It facilities used to be an old resort that had been abandoned for 10 years before the ministry bought it.  It is like staying at a hotel on top of a mountain.  The view is incredible!!  We look out from 6000 feet down onto a beautiful lake and two volcanoes on the other side!

 The Children are adorable.  There is one boy, Kevin, that connected with me.  I had a few days beard growth and he would sit there and rub my beard and look off into the distance.  He wouldn't let anyone else hold him and eventually he was talking to me.  When he looked up into my eyes and said my name, "Juan," my heart melted.  

 We have helped put a fence in, pour a sidewalk to the school, and dug out the fittings for a national's home.  So much to write about and no time at the moment.  

 The word for the week is "Wow!"  I am coming back! 

Going Deeper

Someone blessed us this week with a free condo on the beach!  My family was thrilled; after three years we were actually able to go on a real vacation.  It has been wonderful!  Jackson, our four year old, asks every morning if he can go play in the “wave pool.”  (Apparently, before this week his only experience with waves has been at White Water, the water park in Atlanta.) 

Alisa and I spend part of the morning on the deck overlooking the “wave pool” drinking coffee and talking.  On one particular morning a storm was brewing on the horizon.  What drew my attention were the ten or twelve yachts that were out there.  I told her about a good friend of mine named Steve Longino that loves to sail and has taken numerous trips in the Caribbean.

I asked Alisa if she had ever had the desire to rent a sailboat and sail around locations like the Florida Keys.  She smiled with the look in her eye like I was crazy and said, “No.”  It was almost in the form of a question, like she was scared I was about to announce that it was my life long dream and I had saved the money for us to go this fall. 

Much to her relief I told her that the idea of doing that scared me to death.  It is something that I know nothing about, and the thought of being shipwrecked in a large body of water with sharks terrifies me.

I sat their watching the families sitting on the beach and playing in the surf.  I kept looking back from them to the yachts in the deep about to encounter the storm.  The people on the beach didn’t look too concerned.  Why should they be?  All they had to do is wade back into shore and run into the condo they had rented.  More than likely the worst thing the storm could do to them is ruin their afternoon plans.  They would watch the storm from their rooms and later tell their friends how windy it had been, or how the rain came down sideways. 

Those out in the deep water probably had an entirely different view of the upcoming storm.  They were alone; even with a few other ships around them they were in for a rough ride if they didn’t navigate the storm correctly.  Their every decision held the possibility of a serious consequence. 

As I continued to look out of the ocean suddenly I saw a great analogy of the body of Christ with the ocean being the mission field.  There are a bunch of us that play in the water, splashing around taking pictures to show others of our ocean experience.  Some of us even venture out to the third sandbar while still others sit on the beach fearful that those out in the water will be eaten by a shark on their way out or way back in.

Only a rare few of us venture out into the deep.  Most don’t feel “called” to be sailors.  That is fine if we are talking about sailing, swimming or being a beach bum, but when we look at the body of Christ it seems that only a small percentage take the call to “go and make disciples seriously.”

You don’t have to live overseas in the jungle to “go deep” on the mission field.  The mission field is everywhere you go.  There are people all around you that need someone to go deep emotionally and spiritually with them. 

You can even take baby steps into the deep waters by supporting those who are already there.  But don’t let that keep you from taking the risk of going deeper yourself.  Maybe you can take a short mission trip, help feed the hungry in a soup kitchen, or collect toys for needy children; the list is only limited by our ability to look past ourselves and into someone else’s need.

Find something to do this week to start your journey to go deeper into the mission field.  It’s the risks that make life exciting.  Why not take one that will benefit you and others emotionally and spiritually? 

Getting Out Of The Funk (Part 2)

Last week I wrote about being mad at God, how I had gotten into a funk and how I re-learned that I needed to give up control of some things that I had taken over once again.  The trite answer to the whole problem was to simply “let go!”  Much easier said than done!  The next question is obvious, “How in the world do you let go?”  I actually had some people ask me that question after the last column was published.  Here are some ideas that might help you on your journey:

-          Renew Your Mind: This is where you take the truth and repeat it to yourself everyday; even when things are going well.  This way when things get tough and your feelings start to take over you don’t have to look for the truth, it’s already there in the forefront of your mind.  Imagine a soldier waiting to locate his rifle until after the gunfire started; that is what most of us do mentally.

-          Refuse Your Feelings: Your feelings are very real, but they are seldom the truth.  We would never encourage two teenagers to “trust their feelings” as they go out on their first date.  But we tend to think that our feelings can be trusted to respond to other important areas in our lives.

-          Identify Your Expectations: What is it that is bothering you?  That is the best indicator that an expectation has not been met.  Most of just trust that the feelings we are experiencing are the absolute truth.  We can find a million reasons why we are right to feel the way we feel.  This causes us to believe that our expectations are legitimate.  Oftentimes they are not.

-          Examine Your Expectations: Are they reasonable? (Would most people expect that?)  Are they realistic? (What is my track record with the person I am dealing with?  Do they often meet this expectation?) 

-          Compare Your Expectations And Feelings To The Truth: This of course requires you to know the truth and the types of truth.  (Logical, Experiential and Spiritual)  If your feelings and expectations don’t match up to the truth, then adjustments need to be made until they do!

-          Have Accountability: It is important to have someone help you stay on track.  This needs to be someone you are willing to listen to even when your emotions are high.  If we know we have to answer to someone we are more likely to make better choices.  This can be a friend, a spouse, a minister or a counselor.

This is a process, not an event.  I wish there was a magic formula that I could work through one time and be done with it.  Unfortunately, old habits die hard; especially bad ones! 

I can’t count the number of times I have been talking to my friends Steve and Ben about something I am upset about and they’ve responded with, “I thought you gave up that expectation.”  To be honest, those aren’t fun moments, but they do keep me from running in the wrong direction for any length of time.

Being in a funk is a mindset, and negative feelings are very strong!  Most of the time we pretend that if only others would stop (fill in the blank here) then everything would be just fine, but the truth is that our greatest chance for success occurs when we are willing to make adjustments, even if we are right!

Maybe it’s not so much about letting go of our expectations and feelings as it is holding on to truth.  When we latch on to the truth we suddenly turn around and realize that we have already let go.

Getting Out Of The Funk (Part 1)

I have a confession to make: I’ve been mad at God.  Not saying it was smart, or justified, or even his fault, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I was angry.  I’m going to whine here a minute so you can see a part of my journey, so bear with me. 

Three and a half years a go I left law enforcement and took a sales job in Atlanta.  The idea was for me to commute until we sold the house and then the family would join me.  What we didn’t count on was the housing market tanking within two months of me taking the job.

I spent two and a half years living away from my family during the week.  It was awful!  It tore us apart, and I would never recommend that anyone do that for any length of time! During this time people we knew would come up to us and say things like, “It will sell in God’s time!”  Or we would hear the stories of how “God sold their house” when it wasn’t even on the market and they got more than it was actually worth!

I swore to myself that I was going to kill the next person that told me about how God blessed them by selling their house in thirty five seconds!

To be honest I started thinking, “Why is God’s time causing my family distress?  Am I doing something wrong?”  I knew that I wasn’t, at least no more than I had before when things were going just fine, but when I compared everyone else’s “blessing story” to my struggle I started to jokingly say, “Well, God must hate me!” 

I knew He didn’t, but when you start micro managing God into neat little boxes like, “If you are good you are blessed, and if you are bad you are not!” then you start feeling like you must be bad.  And when you can’t pinpoint the sin or behaviors to change then it can progress to “God doesn’t care” and then to “God must hate me.” 

Even though you know the truth that doesn’t mean you will act on the truth every day, and feelings are a very strong enemy of the truth.  And when you are faced with losing everything you have worked your whole life, your negative feelings become very strong; trust me!

I was in a funk, and I couldn’t get out of it.  I would have good days when I thought I had overcome the negative feelings and then something small would happen and it would drag me right back down.  But I did what good little Christians do, I trudged on; trudged being the operative word there.

About a year ago I thought, “I need my family with me!”  So, we bought a foreclosure in Georgia and moved the family over.  (Adding to the financial stress, but lessening other issues that arose from commuting.)  Things were better, but I was still in that funk!  I asked God, “Why are these things persisting?  Why won’t the house sell?  What am I doing wrong?”  No answer, so I continued to trudge on.

About six months ago I was at the end of my rope.  I was emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted.  There was nothing else to do; I had done all I could and I was still facing the possibility of foreclosure on my house in Alabama.

So, I gave up!  I looked at God and said, “I guess if I go through foreclosure you will be there to see me through it.”  And a strange thing started happening: I started experiencing peace. 

Whenever I feel the financial stress of selling the other house I simply say to myself, “I made the best decisions I could.  God will see me through foreclosure, bankruptcy or becoming debt free.” 

Who knew giving up control could create so much peace?  Well, I did- I had just been so caught up in trying to take care of my family, keeping a good credit score, and not failing that I took some of that control back.

So, if you are in a funk right now I encourage you to take a strong look at what you are stressing about and give it up!  You won’t win!  And even if you do it will be short lived.  Do the best you can and leave it.  God will see you through whatever the consequences are. 

Take a risk, give it up, sit back and just rest in that for a moment!  You don’t have to always know the next step to be able to experience some rest and peace right now.

The Mike Brady Syndrome

I have a problem.  I have been recently diagnosed with a debilitating disorder.  Well, maybe not debilitating, but definitely annoying to my children and oftentimes my wife.  It started when I was a child as I watched television.  I saw example after example of how to take life situations and learn lessons from them.  Yes, I am talking about “The Mike Brady Syndrome!”

We all loved The Brady Bunch growing up.  Watching the kids get into everyday situations and having a father who would talk them through the lessons they needed to learn.  It was wholesome, caring and we all wanted to be treated that way.

If watching The Brady Bunch reruns wasn’t enough, I became a police officer, a youth minister and eventually earned my Masters degree in counseling.  My life was spent listening to people and helping them sort out their issues; sometimes with handcuffs and other times with a Bible or reflective listening.

The first indicator that I had “The Mike Brady Syndrome” came about nine years ago when I was driving down the highway with my daughter, Ann Marie.  She was about eight years old at the time.  She was sitting there quietly, deep in thought, when she suddenly looked over at me and said, “Daddy, can I tell you something and you not say anything about it?”  Apparently I had given her one life lesson too many.  Mike Brady wouldn’t have done that!  He would have known where to draw the line; wouldn’t he?

Nevertheless, my disorder continued to deepen with each passing year.  I continued to listen to those around me in an attempt to understand them; which isn’t an easy task if you knew some of the people I hang around!  (If they only thought like me!)  Eventually my friends began to make fun of me as they watched me talk to my children.  They are the ones who actually told me that I had “The Mike Brady Syndrome!”

My daughter has begun rolling her eyes with more frequency when I repeat back to her what I thought she had said and attempt to help her process through the issue at hand.  My oldest son simply shakes his head now and quietly walks away.  My wife can’t stand the logical chronological order in which I want our arguments to follow.  It completely throws off the adding of emotional nonsense to anything we discuss.  My younger two are apparently too young to understand this debilitating disorder and just give me hugs.

To date there is no known cure for “The Mike Brady Syndrome.”  However, I have been banned from watching reruns and my children swear they will never use phrases like, “What I hear you saying is...” Maybe that will save them from developing the disorder themselves.

Personally, I like listening to those around me and helping them resolve their issues.  I just hope the kids don’t start a singing group and my hair doesn’t get curly! 

Who Am I?

Mitch and I were standing in the customer service line at Target to exchange a defective toy when he stated confidently, “I’m a Target man now.”  The lady in front of us smiled at him as she glanced back.  I replied, “You’re not a Wal-Mart man anymore?”  He explained, “Target has everything I need!”  I grinned and said, “That’s good news for Target.”  Mitch leaned over and whispered, “And bad news for Wal-Mart!”

Reflecting back over that exchange with my eight year old after Christmas made me think about how we view ourselves.  Companies spend millions of dollars each year trying to convince us that what we wear or the products we use tell others about who we are.

There are so many places to pull our identity from: how we look, how smart we are, our talents and abilities, our reputation, comments made by others: mean or otherwise, our accomplishments, our emotions, and the list goes on and on.

As I look inside the four walls of the church, I don’t see a big difference in how people answer the age old question, “Who am I?”  Oh, people will use the phrase, “I am a Christian!” but what does that really mean if they are still using the world’s standards for identity?

They may not look like the world’s standards, but they are cut from the same cloth.  Let me give you a few examples.  Someone who finds their identity in academics and can memorize facts well will be praised inside the church for their ability to memorize scripture or that they’ve read the Bible all the way through.  Another who finds their identity in accomplishments will climb the corporate ladder outside the church, but once inside will strive to become a Sunday school teacher, a deacon, or even a minister; and every rung they climb can be as empty as the last.

And let’s face it, if someone makes a lot of money they will suddenly find themselves on the finance committee of the church.  Apparently making money means they suddenly have the ability to know how it should be spent in ministry.  (Personally, I think the poorest people in the church should be on the finance committee, as they understand the needs of the community.  But that is for another column!)

None of those church activities are bad in and of themselves, but they can become a real hindrance to discovering the abundant life Jesus talked about in John 10:10.  God didn’t have Jesus suffer and die on the cross so we can dress up our fleshly patterns and make them prettier.  He came to give us a new identity! 

We are new creations!  We were given a new nature!  Instead of trying to get people to look better and act better we need to help people to understand what it really means to be a new creation! 

Having this new nature and not utilizing it is like giving a wino on the street a million dollars in a bank account and telling him that he’s a millionaire!  The next day you will find him drunk on the street corner because he won’t know how to access the million dollars! 

Being a Christian is not about being in control of our flesh patterns, it is about letting go of them!  The only way to do that is to know what to hold on to.  To change our belief patterns (renewing our minds) so that we understand who we really are; then the temptation to hold onto old patterns of behavior weakens day by day.

The Bible is full of information on who you are now!  Read it, study it, trust it, and walk in it!  Let go of the bondage of who the world says you are and hold on to the truth of who God says you are!  Only then can you begin to experience the abundant life.

As you read just remember that these are not statutes to attain, you are already complete in Christ!  The Bible is a roadmap to Christ and then a roadmap to a more abundant life than you’ve ever experienced.  The more you read and trust, the easier it becomes to risk and step out.

If you don’t know who you are by God’s standards, you’ve got some reading to do!  And by the way, Target doesn’t have everything you need; God does!

Family Nights

Studies have shown that simply eating dinner together every night is beneficial to children.  There is an increase in communication, increase in academic performance, healthier child development, and improved nutrition.  (They tend to eat more veggies!)  

There is no doubt that God instituted the family unit for a reason and the more time the family spends together the healthier the family members typically are.  I believe this so deeply that I named my counseling practice “Family Works,” because I believe the family unit works!   

It’s important to spend planned time together as a family.  Notice I inserted the word “planned!”  Even though being in the same vicinity is a good thing, it doesn’t necessarily promote healthy relationships.

And by planned I don’t mean that it has to be two hours long and follow the same format every time.  Simply stated it should be purposeful.  Here are some ideas to get started:

-          Play a board game together

-          Play kickball in the backyard

-          Go on an outing together (a hike, a museum or something that allows interaction)

-          Roast marsh mellows or make smores

After the family gets used to being together a few times you can add some questions for the family to answer; it will allow everyone to be heard and require everyone to listen to each other.  You can divide up into teams or have everyone take a turn answering the question.  Here’s an example:

Topic: Choices

-          List three choices you made today.

-          What was the best decision you have every made?

-          Tell about one bad decision you have made.

-          What can someone do to help them make better decisions?

Plan on getting resistance!  The one thing that keeps me from being more consistent with family nights is that they don’t go just like I planned.  When I don’t adjust my expectation to include resistance and have a plan how to handle it, I get frustrated and quit.

Have fun with their resistance.  Say things like:

-          “You aren’t required to have fun, but you do have to participate.”

-          “Resistance is futile!” (In your best Star Trek “Borg” voice.)

-          Get the rest of the family to help the resistant member with answers.

-          Cheer for people when they participate or help. (Silly is always good!)

You don’t have to invest any money in this either!  You can Google “Family Night Ideas” and come up with a ton of options; all you are investing is time!  So, get out there and spend some purposeful time with your family!  You will all be the better for it!

Forgive and Forget

I can’t count the times I have heard it preached that we are to “forgive and forget!”  The verse that is often quoted goes something like, “God separates us from our sin as far as the east is from the west.  He drops it in the sea of forgetfulness and remembers it no more!”

I have counseled hundreds of people who think they are bad Christians because they still remember the terrible things others did to them.  If the Bible says to forgive AND forget and they can’t stop themselves from remembering, then there must be something wrong with them.  Based on this pattern of belief they are substandard Christians and need to have more faith, or something.

The good news is that such a verse does not exist in the Bible.  This misconception comes from the combination of several scriptures:

Psalm 103:12 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.

Jeremiah 31:34(b) "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Here is the truth:

1. God separates us from our sin
2. He conquered sin and hurls them into the depths of the sea
3. He remembers our sins no more

We tend to read a word in English and use what the word means today to translate the meaning of scripture. As the Old Testament was written in Hebrew it becomes very important to understand what the translation of the Hebrew word for “remember” is.

The Hebrew word for “remember” in both of the above verses is the same; here are the different meanings: “to remember, to mark so you can recognize it, to mention, to recount, to record, to think on.”

God doesn’t suddenly forget our sins; he simply refuses to count them against us.  He doesn’t mark them or record them for future reference.  He chooses not to dwell on our sin or to mention it again.

Now we have something that we can work with!  If God doesn’t forget your sin then He doesn’t expect you to forget the sins that others commit against you.  However, he does expect you to forgive them just as He has forgiven you.

What does that mean?  According to the totality of scripture it simply means that you choose not to bring it up, you won’t keep a record of it, and you don’t dwell on it.  In fact, if you forget what they did you can’t forgive them because forgiveness is all about remembering, to choose to go against your emotions and feelings of revenge, and to leave their discipline up to God!

So, when someone sins against you just give them what God has given you.  Don’t worry about remembering what they did.  If you do just treat it as an opportunity to continue to walk in forgiveness, to rely on God, and to grow in your faith!
                                               

Growing Up

I absolutely love working with teenagers!  I enjoy it so much that I find myself constantly surprised when I find other counselors, teachers, etc make comments about how they prefer to work with children or adults. 

Don’t get me wrong, children are great, but they lack the intellectual skills to grasp deep concepts.  Teenagers are a lot like children.  Even though they have the bodies of young adults they still have a long way to go spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.  Although they often pretend to know everything, it’s really just a mask; deep down inside they realize just how much growing they have left to do.  If that weren’t true then they would move out and live on their own!

If you want to talk about masks lets look at adults.  Now there’s a group of people who wear a lot of masks!  In my experience adults are even more insecure than teenagers are.  Once a teenager can admit they don’t know everything and they have a lot left to learn, life seems to go a little easier for them.

The same is true for adults except it’s a lot harder for them to admit they don’t know everything.  Let’s face it, here’s a group of people that are busy running the world.  They spent most of their young adult life believing that the adults around them knew exactly what they were doing so when they became adults they felt like they had to know everything too. 

When they realize they don’t know everything they are too afraid to ask someone else for fear that they might be found out!  Now I realize that I am generalizing, but as a group adults are very stubborn and difficult to teach.  Hence the phrase, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!”  It’s not because they are incapable of learning, but simply because they are too stubborn or prideful to admit they don’t know something.

Not knowing something doesn’t make someone stupid, but refusing to learn it does! 

The truth is we are all ignorant about something!  I have two undergraduate degrees and a masters degree and I still don’t know squat about small engines; or big engines for that matter!  And that’s just one of many things I don’t know much about!  So when I am around someone who is talking about small engines I often find myself a little lost.

One of my favorite phrases I have begun using in the past few years is, “I’m not sure what that means!”  I use it all the time because I apparently hang out with extremely intelligent people who talk about stuff that I don’t know a lot of details about. 

This is what I find extremely interesting: People don’t laugh at me when I use that phrase!  In fact, most of the time people automatically explain to me what they are talking about.  They are actually happy to enlighten me!

Growing up is all about learning new things.  Not just gaining new information, that’s knowledge; I’m talking about learning how to use the new information, that’s wisdom!  Here’s another little tidbit: You aren’t done growing up; no one is!  I may be older and more mature than I was ten years ago, but I am still not done growing up!

So, stop being so scared to admit you don’t know everything.  Learn to use the phrase, “I am not sure what that means!”  I promise you, it can take a huge load off your shoulders!
                                               
Johnny Walker is a Christian Counselor and the Founder of Family Works Counseling.